I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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