I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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