I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Too much gin, very little bucket
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
