apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
