I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
