Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
