when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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