last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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