I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
