I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
