If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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