Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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