Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
this hospital has no fireball
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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