Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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