genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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