I think im going to throw up on grandma
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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