hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
