I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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