Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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