Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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