You're my little dorito
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
