Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
