i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
