Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
