Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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