She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
