I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
