last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
