3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The air was thick with penises
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
