you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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