someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
