One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
