so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
