Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
