this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
