his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
