to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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