She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
