so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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