He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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