I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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