so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
