4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
