When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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