well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
