guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
