tonight lets celebrate not being married
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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