Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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