so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
