i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
