this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
