I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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