His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
